Ouch That Hurts

 

I’m in a really interesting season right now. One that I am not quite fond of. A season and period of extended WAITING. 

No, not your normal waiting, but EXTENDED!

I’m a planner by default. I like to have all my ducks in a row before I do something. Some call it crazy. I call it “smart living.” I have been living like this as long as I can remember. The Lord has shown me that my choice to live in “smart living” has been to some extent faith-less living and that hurts.

I am not saying that I don’t have faith. I am saying that my faith only goes so far. It definitely isn’t as deep and as wide as I would like it to be.

 

I have approximately 4 weeks of CGA left. Then after that I will……………

 

 

That’s just it, I don’t know what I’ll be doing. I don’t have any direction as of right now of what to do or even where to go. Will I stay in Georgia? Will I go home to Chicagoland? Will I pick up and leave again?

Will I??? Should I? Could I?

All these questions are burning in my head, and yet I don’t have any answer. I’m currently on a trust walk that I am not familiar with and that I am not enjoying. It hurts really bad. 

I found myself in a pretty large clearing last week in the woods. There in the expansion of nature the Lord spoke to me through this passage  

Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

No need to worry about tomorrow, because it will be anxious for itself.

Is it really that simple Lord?

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Lord gave me this passage 40 days before I’m supposed to finish CGA. I don’t think that it’s coincidence that I received “the Circle Maker Devotional” (a 40-day devotional on praying big prayers) the same day. Today is Day #8 and though I don’t know what’s next, I’m growing in confidence that He has it all in control.

“If you believe in God who controls the big things, you have to believe in God who controls the little things.”

So where does that leave me?

As I go deeper and deeper into the unknown, learning what it means to wait, lean into the silence, and be patient, I’ll simply live one day-at-a-time. One faith walk after another. Trying door after door believing that the Lord will reveal the right one in His timing. Though it hurts, it’s good for me. It’s called GROWTH. We all need it!